Recession

Before I start , let me introduce myself. Hi, my name is me, I  have  a dilipated system  called brain carefully fixed on a structure  what some intelligent apes mistakenly refer  as homosapiens. A great philanthropist cum rebel cum social worker (its the in thing now) who can dare to change the world and the worldly functions provided  I  have my cuppa of mocha cappuccino with sugar free at Barista and my brown bread thin crust pizza( I am  on diet you see) , well then I can almost  be at par with any Bhagat Singhs and Surya Sens of the world.

I am a staunch supporter of Anna Hazare. Really I tell you ministers have  no right to waste money in some commonwealth games , 2G scams, which rightfully belongs to Gandhis and Pawars of the world .Height of corruption I must say. Finally after I got over my frustration of not sharing my surname with such illustrious personas, I get another shock Brad Pitt finally decides to marry  Jolie!!!!  Hey I cant call Brad  Pa!!! All these years I was secretly hoping against hope , now that I am poor ( don’t  belive huh check out my credit card statements ) , and fortunately belong to a third world country she would adopt me!!! I even contacted her agent and he seemed quite positive … I swear I remember him telling me , he was o+ve….

As I am thoroughly depressed , I pick up my morning newspaper only to further liquefy my already  diluted function of brain ….as I read along to check …the names  for beti Bs of the world I am frustrated with only  CRR and SLR rates notifications by the RBI governor……!@#$&*…Who  cares ya,being a sub class of homo sapiens how does inflation and GDP   growth rate make my life better?

 How does such insane speculations about  the RBI governor reducing the fiscal deposit and balance  of payment ( God I am already speaking nonsense ) help me? Inflation  for  me is Kanta Bai, refusing to settle for anything less than 20% salary hike in her CTC , with breakfast and lunches for incentives( fish has to be served fresh you see she is allergic to stale food, and the Tata Sky channel subscriptions to be increased bcoz hamara pati sirf uska hain doesn’t  come in  my present subscription plan!!!) along with 6 medical , 8 casual and 5 earn leave monthly…!!!! And after filing up her monthly leave file, she  suddenly she calls me up and feigns some nondesriptive asymptotic disease!!! That translates me doing the stiching of shoe and reading the chandi ( an idiom in amar bhasha bangla bhasha)… !!!! 

After I have recovered from  the shock for the umpteenth time for the day, I  receive my bank statement ..Wow my lucky day!!! The number of zeroes in my account were cut copied pasted from  my son’s report card!!! When I  finally got ready for the day to face the dreaded meeting at my office where I have to look dumb , act inert to whatever discussions that would follow—I dropped my son at his school. His class teacher was giving me some looks that  was enough to drop me dead( not that she was drop dead gorgeous) I literally ran away in slow motion to hop into the metro, hoping against hope that progeny  unfortunately we call male  will not hallucinate today about all curvy creatures in  the claustrophobic metro , as Bipasha s and Mallika s all the world and refuse to paw them!!! I am again disappointed!!!! Umptenth + 1 times for the day…

I reached office , pretty late as already I see my colleages have started their favourite  hobby of PNPC,Bitchitng fool..( cricket is no more the binding factor, wake up!! It has become a notional past time) period.

And the cake and the icing is that I have to attend a seminar as a key note speaker , on “ Recession and its effect on corporate restructuring”. Now I want to scream aloud… RECESSION for me is going to the “make a  wish foundation”( I am a reular social worker you see, it sounds so upper class right?) and  wanting wine(Indian brand would do, hard times I can understand)  and some handsome dude and getting water( not mineral water that too) and husband.in return.

Reason  all rich ,intelligent, witty, sporty men are either married or gay!!!

GOD , now I have only one way to escape…I would prefer to die by drowing myself . Actually heaven don’t have this recession concept and all the MIT graduate  bankers are in hell so credit lines wont be a problem you see. All I need is some painless and interesting way to get me out of this mess. As this requires serious contemplation, I finally realize , I need Jack Daniel and Johnny walker for company!!!

Hic Hic hurrayyyyyyy Heaven here I come……